Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar

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Hello, ladies. Look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me, but if he was hanging around on a beach in Southern Thailand, he could smell like he's me. Look down, now back up, where are you? You're in a room competing in a bass-off with the man your man could smell like. What's in your hands, back at me, it's two Fair Trade Blends with soy milk and I'm ready to toast to your victory! Now a man's will can never be broken, and I am assuredly a man, but lets say I willingly let you peer into my mind's eye. Instead of catching onto a carefully devised plot to poor half-and-half into one of the coffees in an attempt to make you break vegan edge, you see a starkly different, Cambodian image...

You're sitting at a restaurant in the late afternoon across from a woman friend you decided to travel with. "Mmmm," you think, "woman-folk, definitely god's second greatest creation!" You're finished your meal but the night is still young and your man-muscles are tired, so you decide to take advantage of one of the city's many man-sage establishments. As you make your way in a thought occurs, "in this part of the world, places such as this are often fronts for illegitimate business practices, maybe it's better to leave and not risk the man-baressment that will inevitably follow." As you begin to leave, asian woman-folk come out from a back room and beckon you forth. "You want mas-sage?" they say, displaying their mastery of the english language. You find their woman-scent too hard to resist and quickly follow them back.

You're led to a room with a number of tables, each with deployable privacy curtains. "Aha!" Now you're convinced. The privacy curtains are meant to prevent curious onlookers from witnessing your man-gasm. This building is a restaurant of deviance, and what's today's special? None other than man-sausage with a side of hardboiled man-eggs. You make your way over to a table and are instructed to take off your pants. Just your luck that you would leave your man-derwear at home today. You try and contest but the asian-woman insists. With your pants off, you realize you're running out of time. You think quickly and device a plan, "if I keep the privacy curtain open, my man-parts will escape intact! Everyone knows asian-folk are prohibited from providing services behind open curtains." Just then your woman-friend makes her way into the room and towards the table next to you. Before you can explain the plan, she insists on having the privacy curtains pulled closed, and your asian follows suit. "Drats, her woman-esteem has gotten the best of her." With no other avenues of escape you make your peace and prepare for what is about to come...

An hour later you wake up to a soothing voice, "You, done, time to go." What's this? Your man-muscles have been tended to, and you feel strangely re-manergized! Better yet, your man-parts appear to be intact! It seems you were wrong about this establishment after all. You make your way outside with your woman-friend, ready to take on the world.

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"..."

So I got on the plane at Reagan with a ton of preconceived notions about SE asian massage parlors. Most of these notions were based on common stereotypes perpetuated not only by pop-culture jokes, but also by more reputable sources such as travel books. Having now received massages (including a four hour stint last night, complete with a MANi-pedi) in the three regional countries most likely to provide "additional" services, I can assure you that these stereotypes are by-in-large, false. While not QUITE on the same level as American establishments, the masseuses I've spent time with have been professional, qualified, and have gone out of their way to put an emphasis on privacy. Are there opportunities to take advantage of these "other" services? Definitely, but I feel it's the exception and not the rule.

CAMBODIA

Okay, okay. Where did we leave off... OH YES! Last time we saw our adventurers they were traveling by water to the Kingdom of Cambodia! What I felt would be our sketchiest place of visit (based mostly on information contained in the CIA World Factbook), turned out to have the best accommodations by far! Hot water, a smog-free countryside, and acceptable internet speeds were combined with a nice pool, comfy beds and beautiful scenery.

Most of our time spent in Cambodia's capital was filled with stops to genocide sights, the two big ones being a huge school turned prison and the famed "killing fields" where Pol Pot's cadre's slaughtered dissidents. I must admit, prior to visiting these sights I was unfamiliar with Cambodia's history and as such felt very sympathetic towards the innocents slain. After reading up a bit on Wikipedia though, I learned that a number of democratic nations forwarded funds that helped to support Pol Pot against Communist Vietnam. While definitely not a good thing, the Truman doctrine puts the genocide in a slightly different light. Would I go so far as to label it a "necessary evil"? Maybe not, but last I checked we did win the Cold War.

Our second stop in Cambodia was the famed "Angkor Wat". I use the term "famed" lightly since I'm convinced that if it wasn't for Sid Mierer's Civilization, 90% of this blog's readers would be unfamiliar with the wonder. Of those 90%, I'm sure that 100% never built it in game and thus don't haven't a clue what it is. Not surprising of course, the building required Philosophy and had some shitty religious effect, thus making it automatically Obsolete since only faggots went for victories other than military or space (which is essentially just military, thanks to the tech trees being extremely similar). That being said the real Angkor Wat is actually pretty cool and I highly recommend it to anyone considering a visit. Located outside the small town of Siem Reip, the Angkor Wat complex is a huge park consisting of hundreds of stone buildings, many of which are nearly 1000 years old. When not walking around with Ariana admiring statues of religious importance, I would climb high atop stone buildings or run along courtyard walls doing my best to escape the prying eyes of tourists and their guides. While we had initially only planned on spending a single day at the temples, the sheer number and size required at least two. Our evenings were spent relaxing by the pool or exploring the local markets. Ariana misplaced her shoes at some point but did her best to handle the situation with grace and maturity.

THAILAND

Team Alucard has successfully made their way into Thailand! Being the country we will end up spending the most time in I'd hate to make too many assumptions early on, but rest assured that early polling is coming back positive! Muay Thai is definitely more interesting in person, the women here are plenty attractive, and things feel a lot more "Western". Jury is still out on the food, but that may be because we've spent most of our time up until now at "touristy" locations. I'll be coming back with more details as they materialize.

I'm on a horse.