What's going on BITCHES???

While you may have never met me, it's quite likely you know me by reputation. I'm Frank <insert Polish last name>, the cross-country tripping, kayak stealing, security evading, gun shooting, Corvette smashing, day-spa crashing, high-school streaking, goat-ball eating guy who spends his life balancing on the line between what is and is not appropriate. I'm an expert in the dark arts of Settlers, and the Yin to Brian's Yang <3 . I've been told I'm sexually ambiguous, but this usually occurs after placing my hand in another man's pants... maybe I should learn a new party trick?

ALL THE PERSONALITY WITH NONE OF THE NASTY SIDE AFFECTS! That's me in a nutshell.

Oh, and ladies... I'm single ;-) .

"So... about the trip?"

Ah yes, almost forgot! So Ariana already hit most of the high points, but I'll recap: three weeks for six countries (seven if the Burmese aren't looking)! While Ariana never officially invited me on what definitely started as HER trip, I could tell from the apathy in her voice and the color of her shoes that what she really wanted was a MAN. Someone to come... and... protect her! YES! From all the trouble that a poor, defenseless (please don't hit me >.<), female traveler inevitably runs into. Unable to find her such a man I offered my services instead, which she graciously accepted.

The only country I've been to outside of NAFTA is Iraq, so since Baghdad probably shares more in common with Phnom Penh than Toronto does, I've decided to pack as such. Now, with a newly acquired netbook and my digital copy of Mein Kampf, I feel Team Alucard is ready to take on the world! BRING IT, COMMIES!

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Make sure to stay tuned, and subscribe (er... "Follow")! In the coming weeks we'll be adding content as we prepare for the journey, to include a breakdown of trip costs, and a comic strip staring Ariana and I (illustrated by Randall Munroe) as we attempt to make this same journey back in 1969!

Sometimes a girl just has to get the hell out of Dodge.

“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”


Mark Twain knows what’s up and I believe that in just 3 short weeks, I will too.
In 21 days, I depart with Frank for Southeast Asia. We land in Saigon at 6:55 pm on 3.17 and I couldn’t be more excited about it. From there, the plan is to work our way into Cambodia, sweep down the coast of Thailand, and run amuck in the coastal villages of Malaysia, all the while leaving political upheaval and disaster in our wake.

Whenever I depart for a trip out of the country, I get asked the same two questions over and over.

1. Why are you going?
I don’t understand this question, and I’m not sure I ever will. Is there something inherently odd about wanting to see the entire world before my short life expires or I’m too old to enjoy any of it?

To that end, I have another quote, given to me by a fellow traveler on my last cross-continental journey.

When you are young, you have your health and time, but not money.
Later, you have your health and money, but no time.
Then, you are old and you have your money and the time, but no health
And the world has passed you by.

It is my mission in life to see that this is never true for me. Get your kicks when you’re young, right? Right now I have money and I have vacation time. It’s my responsibility to myself to make sure I don’t waste either on something that doesn’t make me happy.

2. Who is going with you?
Why does everyone assume I have to travel with a companion? For my last trip, I went by myself for half of it, and every time I mentioned it I got asked, “Aren’t you afraid?”.
The answer to that is no.

This trip, I’m going with Frank. I don’t need to describe him. He’s the other contributor to this blog and I’m sure that those that don’t know him certainly will after reading through our blog posts. I’m not sure why he decided to go with me or if he’s prepared for my style of travel. All I know is that he has agreed to go backpacking with me and he promised to bring an open mind, a sense of adventure, and is willing to experience potential political unrest. Really, what more can I ask for?

At the end of our trip, just like Mark Twain suggested, we’ll be great friends or we’ll hate each other. That’s just another exciting part of our adventure!

So now you know. Maybe you already knew the answers to those questions, and maybe you never would have asked them to begin with.

So that’s it – the first official blog post that isn’t just Frank posting pictures of himself on the internet with a lot of firearms.