The road to Kuala Lumpur is flooded with good intentions

Traveling is basically one large string of decisions. Some of them are bad, some of them are good. My travel style has always been loose. I don't like itineraries I can't break on a moment's notice. If I like a place, I want to be able to explore it. If I don't like a place, I want to get out of there as fast as I can so I don't feel like I'm wasting any time. Frank pointed out today that we made some poor decisions in our overall plan not to have a plan, and I have to agree.

Some good decisions so far this trip included 2 days in Cambodia seeing Angkor Wat and the surrounding temples. Not that either of our blog posts about Cambodia really did it justice, but seeing such an ancient wonder of the world was really inspiring. I found it pretty amazing that the human race was able to construct construction projects of that magnitude without the modern conveniences of technology. Also awesome was the fact that Cambodia is filled with WILD MONKEYS.

Another good decision was packing a jacket and some long pants. You never know when tropical Thailand is going to get hit with temperatures in the 50's with lots of rain.

Some bad decisions on this trip include not checking the weather and assuming that you can roll into a beach side town and find it perfectly sunny and warm all year round. I generally think checking the weather isn't worth the 10 seconds it takes weather.com to load up and ask me my zip code because it never seems accurate and why worry about something completely out of my control? (Don't think I'm not aware of my propensity for irrational stress over meaningless things. I am perfectly away that I am high-strung, easily stressed, and very anxious. Weather and gas prices are the two exceptions to the Ariana mentality of worrying about everything.)

Another bad decision was catching another night bus to Phuket, just to be greeted with more rain and immediately shuttling to the airport to go to Kuala Lumpar. You'd think we would have learned the first time when we said, "Man! That night bus was terrible! Let's not do that again." We're not great at learning from our mistakes, I guess? We should have thought more about prices and distances before purchasing flights. It would have been much more economical for us to cruise back to Bangkok as opposed to taking a 10 hour bus ride to Phuket. The bigger the airport, the cheaper the flight. Oh, hindsight.

What we ARE good at is making the best of a hilariously bad situation. I know Frank blogged briefly about SuckSeed, the movie we decided to see in a Thai theater assuming that we would understand absolutely nothing about it and be forced to make up both the plot and the dialogue by ourselves. Instead, we got well-translated English subtitles and a movie that I will be attempting to purchase once it's out on DVD. Or VCD. Or whatever it is that they use over there. The point is, it was actually really great. For something completely random, it ended up being one of the most unique parts of the trip and I loved it. Sometimes you set out to accomplish one goal and you end up accomplishing another completely by accident.

So, all of that said. . .Kuala Lumpar. . .Not what I expected.

My quote to Frank upon hearing his interest in going to Kuala Lumpar was, "Man, if you've seen one giant Asian city, you've seen them all." I could not have been more wrong. Gone are the clouds of smog, as are the people throwing themselves at us with such catchy phrases as, "Hey lady, where you go?", "Hello sir! You want tuk-tuk?" and "You buy, ok?"

Kuala Lumpar is filled with Muslim influences, beautiful architecture, and the streets are clean and well-marked. It's well connected with an impressive public transit system and it has a million things to see and do. While I was really bummed out about the plans we had in Thailand falling apart, I felt better almost immediately when we got off the plane and I realized, "HEY. YOU ARE IN MALAYSIA. HOW COOL IS THAT?!?" Whatever grief I had experienced over Thailand was gone, replaced by an excitement to take photographs and document a beautiful city.

Since I know my traveling companion doesn't hear this often, I'll immortalize something in text so he can look back on this moment with triumph and taste the delicious fruits of his victory.

Frank, you were completely 100% right that Kuala Lumpar is awesome. I acknowledge that I, Ariana, was wrong in my assumption about this city and I bow to your superior knowledge concerning Southeast Asia.

Again? Nice job Yar...

So my friends, Ariana is a jinx. While many of you are familiar with her track record, those who aren't should be aware that my companion has single handedly caused earthquakes, protests, typhoons, civil war, and the worst nuclear disaster in recent history. Today we can add yet another accomplishment to her resume: flooding. We left Bangkok yesterday in the hopes of enjoying a half week of biking down the Thailand coast. Our plan was to travel from beach town to beach town, taking in the morning scenary then enjoying afternoons on the water. Ariana just wouldn't have it though, and instead decided to not only bring thunderstorms to our immediate vicinity, but to every other Thai town we were planning on visiting. Moreover, one of the towns is no longer safe to travel in because of flooding.

*pause for applause*

Today, while waiting for the bus that would ultimately take us to an internaional airport and onto Kuala Lumpur, we made the best of our situation by hanging out at a local mall in Hua Hin. A day that was slated to be a pretty shitty ended up quite nice after enjoying some ice cream, browsing an asian toys'r'us, and partaking in the box office smash: SuckSeed. The movie was a treat as not only was it subbed, but it was one of the better romcoms that I've seen in a while (and god knows I love romcoms). 

On a related note I'd just like to say that Thai girls have proven to be quite cute and because of which I'm officially opening a position for a Thai girlfriend. Feel free to forward potential resumes to: frankx0r@gmail.com , keeping in mind that special consideration will be given to girls with braces (don't judge me!). The Jewish girlfriend position is also still available, while the Baptist position is closed until further notice. Thank You.

Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar

---

Hello, ladies. Look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me, but if he was hanging around on a beach in Southern Thailand, he could smell like he's me. Look down, now back up, where are you? You're in a room competing in a bass-off with the man your man could smell like. What's in your hands, back at me, it's two Fair Trade Blends with soy milk and I'm ready to toast to your victory! Now a man's will can never be broken, and I am assuredly a man, but lets say I willingly let you peer into my mind's eye. Instead of catching onto a carefully devised plot to poor half-and-half into one of the coffees in an attempt to make you break vegan edge, you see a starkly different, Cambodian image...

You're sitting at a restaurant in the late afternoon across from a woman friend you decided to travel with. "Mmmm," you think, "woman-folk, definitely god's second greatest creation!" You're finished your meal but the night is still young and your man-muscles are tired, so you decide to take advantage of one of the city's many man-sage establishments. As you make your way in a thought occurs, "in this part of the world, places such as this are often fronts for illegitimate business practices, maybe it's better to leave and not risk the man-baressment that will inevitably follow." As you begin to leave, asian woman-folk come out from a back room and beckon you forth. "You want mas-sage?" they say, displaying their mastery of the english language. You find their woman-scent too hard to resist and quickly follow them back.

You're led to a room with a number of tables, each with deployable privacy curtains. "Aha!" Now you're convinced. The privacy curtains are meant to prevent curious onlookers from witnessing your man-gasm. This building is a restaurant of deviance, and what's today's special? None other than man-sausage with a side of hardboiled man-eggs. You make your way over to a table and are instructed to take off your pants. Just your luck that you would leave your man-derwear at home today. You try and contest but the asian-woman insists. With your pants off, you realize you're running out of time. You think quickly and device a plan, "if I keep the privacy curtain open, my man-parts will escape intact! Everyone knows asian-folk are prohibited from providing services behind open curtains." Just then your woman-friend makes her way into the room and towards the table next to you. Before you can explain the plan, she insists on having the privacy curtains pulled closed, and your asian follows suit. "Drats, her woman-esteem has gotten the best of her." With no other avenues of escape you make your peace and prepare for what is about to come...

An hour later you wake up to a soothing voice, "You, done, time to go." What's this? Your man-muscles have been tended to, and you feel strangely re-manergized! Better yet, your man-parts appear to be intact! It seems you were wrong about this establishment after all. You make your way outside with your woman-friend, ready to take on the world.

---

"..."

So I got on the plane at Reagan with a ton of preconceived notions about SE asian massage parlors. Most of these notions were based on common stereotypes perpetuated not only by pop-culture jokes, but also by more reputable sources such as travel books. Having now received massages (including a four hour stint last night, complete with a MANi-pedi) in the three regional countries most likely to provide "additional" services, I can assure you that these stereotypes are by-in-large, false. While not QUITE on the same level as American establishments, the masseuses I've spent time with have been professional, qualified, and have gone out of their way to put an emphasis on privacy. Are there opportunities to take advantage of these "other" services? Definitely, but I feel it's the exception and not the rule.

CAMBODIA

Okay, okay. Where did we leave off... OH YES! Last time we saw our adventurers they were traveling by water to the Kingdom of Cambodia! What I felt would be our sketchiest place of visit (based mostly on information contained in the CIA World Factbook), turned out to have the best accommodations by far! Hot water, a smog-free countryside, and acceptable internet speeds were combined with a nice pool, comfy beds and beautiful scenery.

Most of our time spent in Cambodia's capital was filled with stops to genocide sights, the two big ones being a huge school turned prison and the famed "killing fields" where Pol Pot's cadre's slaughtered dissidents. I must admit, prior to visiting these sights I was unfamiliar with Cambodia's history and as such felt very sympathetic towards the innocents slain. After reading up a bit on Wikipedia though, I learned that a number of democratic nations forwarded funds that helped to support Pol Pot against Communist Vietnam. While definitely not a good thing, the Truman doctrine puts the genocide in a slightly different light. Would I go so far as to label it a "necessary evil"? Maybe not, but last I checked we did win the Cold War.

Our second stop in Cambodia was the famed "Angkor Wat". I use the term "famed" lightly since I'm convinced that if it wasn't for Sid Mierer's Civilization, 90% of this blog's readers would be unfamiliar with the wonder. Of those 90%, I'm sure that 100% never built it in game and thus don't haven't a clue what it is. Not surprising of course, the building required Philosophy and had some shitty religious effect, thus making it automatically Obsolete since only faggots went for victories other than military or space (which is essentially just military, thanks to the tech trees being extremely similar). That being said the real Angkor Wat is actually pretty cool and I highly recommend it to anyone considering a visit. Located outside the small town of Siem Reip, the Angkor Wat complex is a huge park consisting of hundreds of stone buildings, many of which are nearly 1000 years old. When not walking around with Ariana admiring statues of religious importance, I would climb high atop stone buildings or run along courtyard walls doing my best to escape the prying eyes of tourists and their guides. While we had initially only planned on spending a single day at the temples, the sheer number and size required at least two. Our evenings were spent relaxing by the pool or exploring the local markets. Ariana misplaced her shoes at some point but did her best to handle the situation with grace and maturity.

THAILAND

Team Alucard has successfully made their way into Thailand! Being the country we will end up spending the most time in I'd hate to make too many assumptions early on, but rest assured that early polling is coming back positive! Muay Thai is definitely more interesting in person, the women here are plenty attractive, and things feel a lot more "Western". Jury is still out on the food, but that may be because we've spent most of our time up until now at "touristy" locations. I'll be coming back with more details as they materialize.

I'm on a horse.

Siem Reap: Put Your Shoes on my Shoes.

OH MAN. The great thing about Buddhist cultures is how mellow and nice and respectful everyone is. If you're a sad, lost tourist on the side of the road, they might try to sell you something but they'll also give you directions and help you figure out what you need and where you want to go.

You know what ISN'T great about Buddhist cultures? Taking your shoes off when you enter buildings. And you know what? I actually don't mind that so much, except that tying my shoes 40 times a day is a little annoying. What I absolutely DO mind is. . . STUPID TOURISTS WHO STEAL YOUR $80 ADIDAS RUNNING SHOES.

Sorry. I know writing in all caps is an internet faux-pas but I think it adequately depicts my rage.

Imagine, if you will (and you will) finding a pair of shoes in the Annapolis Mall that say to you, "Ariana! I will accompany you to Southeast Asia! I am both comfortable and breathable, with plenty of traction!". You buy them immediately, because you know these shoes are meant for exciting adventures, with a destiny greater than many shoes ever hope for. Fast forward a month of continuous wearing and use so that the shoes are completely broken in and fitted to your feet, protecting them from the debris, mud and pollution of large Asian cities. Then, if you will (and you STILL will), imagine a sea of shoes outside the entrance to your temporary residence in Siem Reap, Cambodia. Imagine that you leave your shoes off over night and come back to them each morning, gleefully donning them as you go out to explore temple ruins in the jungle in the early morning.

After a day in the heat and mud, your shoes are looking a little worse for wear, and so are your legs. You ask the Siem Reap Temple Village employee if you can take a shower before your 10 hour night bus to Bangkok and he agrees. You leave your shoes lovingly by the entrance and you go on a sketchy shower adventure that takes you into the wait staff's personal living quarters. It's cool, though, because they don't mind. You think to yourself, "Wow. These people are nice, letting me hang out and shower, even if it is just a hose protruding out of the side of the wall and the bathroom is a mess. Hey! It beats smelling like feces!"

So you shower, and your friend Frank watches your stuff and stands guard so there aren't any situational comedy scenes where an oblivious employee of the Siem Reap Temple Villa walks into their bathroom trying to find their Anime Character boxer shorts and instead finds a naked American tourist attempting to shower. Then a laugh track plays and the tourist looks mortified and the owner of the boxer shorts looks sheepish (but not really THAT sheepish) and in the end, everyone has a grand laugh. Har-har!

So then, imagine that you get out of the shower and awkwardly change in a bathroom where the floor is soaking wet and you're trying not to get the dirt of the shower on your semi-clean body. There isn't anywhere to hang your clothes as you change into them so you use your teeth as a hanger (Thank YOU, Florine water) and balance carefully on white flip-flops that aren't yours. Finally, you emerge dressed from the shower. Your friend Frank has politely fended off awkward onlookers, and you can go out into the world feeling refreshed.

You venture out, back toward the entrance and put on your shoes. Oh wait, that's not right, is it? You scan the sea of shoes looking for the familiar face of your Adidas Marathon shoes with pink stripes that are very muddy but perfectly formed to your feet. You see many shoes on other shoes and you wonder, "Could my shoes be under those shoes?". You check, but everywhere you look, you see flip flops. As you look with all your might, you come to a sinking, heart-wrenching revelation. Your shoes are simply not there.

At first, you remain calm. You retrace your steps. You ask the man behind the desk who doesn't speak a lot of English. You describe your shoes to multiple employees, hoping that they simply decided to wash them because you're in Cambodia and hey, people are just nice like that. Alas, the locals can't help you find your shoes because they are not there. The employees see the black cloud that has descended upon you and fearing the wrath of the irrational western female tourist, they quickly inform you, "You know this is tourist. People Cambodia never do this thing. Our minds? Ok. They do other thing, not good." The Cambodian man helping you search offers the shoes off his feet to help you out. As you listen to the broken English, you recognize the truth in his words and suddenly, you can imagine the whole thing, just as if you had watched it happen.

A dirty, dreadlock-bearing, droopy tank top wearing, patchouli and sandalwood smelling woman comes back from her first day trek around Angkor Wat and thinks to herself how dumb it was to wear Old Navy's earth-toned flip-flops (no matter how well they went with her bohemian ensemble) while jumping over scorpions and climbing over thousand year old ruins. She pauses while kicking off the plastic, ratty sandals and looks down at her feet, blistered and painful. Her eye is caught by a pair of shoes, sitting innocently amidst the piles of Tevas, leather sandals, and men's black walking shoes. They're dirty from the day's adventures, well loved by another traveler. She envies the obvious forethought the owner had to purchase such practical, comfortable shoes and feels foolish for thinking that $3 flip flips could ever compare. Then, feeling flushed with embarrassment, she thinks, "I'm an evolved being and a steward of the earth. No one person can ever really own anything. We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. Material possessions are transient! These shoes belong to the earth, and therefore. . .me!" Stunned by this revelation, which could be the result of licking toads in the jungle, or the amazing amount of weed she just consumed, she bends down and sticks the shoes in her hemp bag, knowing that she was doing the owner, whoever that sucker was, a favor. That's what she does. She teaches by doing, just like the disciple of a god. If there was a humanitarian award, she knew in that instant that she deserved it.

So yeah. Too long, didn't read version:

Some tourist stole my shoes. People can suck, but probably not Cambodians.

Cuisine: Chicken Feet, Rice Wine, and 'Assorted Delicious Meats'

Nothing says travel to me like exotic cuisine. There are so many options in Asia that I'm not sure I can do them justice. Vietnam was our jump off point and while I was game for trying almost anything, I was unable to find a lot of the exotic cuisine I had hoped for. Pho is delicious and a novelty as a breakfast item but it doesn't exactly qualify as adventurous eating.

Floating Restaurant

In Vietnam we went to a floating restaurant and ate dinner one night at the suggestion of the older man who ran our guesthouse. After looking over the menu, I really only found a lot of seafood. While I certainly enjoy seafood, I wasn't impressed with the water quality around Saigon and I am fairly certain that is where all of the fresh sea life was coming from. You can only see so many dead carcasses of poultry float by covered in motor oil before your stomach starts to revolt. After looking at the menu for a long time, I decided to let fate tell me what to eat, so I ordered "Noodle with Delicious Meats". I attempted to ask how that varied from "Noodle with Assorted Meats" and if they could magically merge them together so I could have the best of both words but we found that people in Vietnam simply don't have the English language skills to answer my annoying barrage of questions about their food. Lessons have been learned and my stomach has adjusted (to both sketchy food and doxycyline), so from now on, it's new experience after new experience.

Mekong River Tour/Vietnam to Cambodia

Last night was our first night in Cambodia. To get there, we took a tour that we thought would save us money and time, but I'm convinced just added an extra day to our travel and contributed to global warming. Granted, the boat ride on the Mekong was beautiful and I loved the fact that the people passing us by on their houseboats and the on-shore residents were waving and yelling at us enthusiastically, but toward the end I was going a little stir crazy. The things we got out and did were great, though. At one point, after touring a floating market and going past hundreds of houses on the river built up on bamboo stilts, we got off at a random boat dock near a back alley store. The river was experiencing low tide and our boat couldn't progress down the waterway with all the weight of fat western tourists. We walked to a bike rack on the side of the road where basic, rusted out bikes innocently waited for us. We rode gleefully down a dirt road for a mile amidst motorbikes and pedestrians and then sat down to lunch at a small restaurant that belonged to the ex boyfriend of our tour guide.

Our night was spent in a 'floating hotel'. It was terrible. I'm fairly certain that it was worse than sleeping on a mat with a stranger in a hill tribe village in Thailand or that terrible hostel in Florence with Kristen without any AC or sheets where I got devoured by bedbugs.

At one of the stops on our tour, after giving us shots of home-brewed rice wine and letting us try rice paper and coconut candy, I stumbled across bottles of Vietnamese snake wine. Several bottles tempted me with low southeast Asian prices. How could I resist a bottle of rice wine with a cobra inside? Let us hope that my 110,000 dong were well spent and that customs doesn't take away my prize.

Entrance to Cambodia

Fast forward through a lengthy review of a tour to our entrance into Cambodia. The group we traveled with wanted to maximize their day by seeing the Cambodia Killing Fields so they stopped by the nearest guest house and got rooms. While $5 is cheap and I love a good sketchy hostel adventure as much as the next girl, the beds were flimsy, the bathroom was leaky and didn't come with toilet paper, and the hostel only let you use the air conditioner for 10 minutes. Pass, thanks.

A brief walk around the corner and a 5 minute conversation with a Cambodian tuk-tuk driver proved to be a much better use of our time. Simon, as he proudly named himself so that tourists didn't have to mutilate his native tongue, drove us across town to the Nice Guest House where $10 a night gave us AC, hot showers, free wi-fi, and a bed that didn't sink into the floor. Sometimes you have to choose your budget travel adventure, you know?

The Funky Chicken

Instead of squeezing out some rushed sightseeing, we decided to go in search of food. After Lonely Planet's nearest recommended spot proved to be turned into a bike store, we walked down the street and turned into the nearest place we saw. It was empty when we arrived. While I felt underdressed in gym shorts and a tank top, US dollars are US dollars any way you look at it and if they complained, they kept a smile on their face and only did so in Cambodian.

They brought us a pot of hot tea and a complimentary appetizer to start the meal. Chicken feet, boiled and covered in sesame and chili oil. I'll try anything one, but actually figuring out how to eat a chicken foot is apparently beyond me. I gnawed unceremoniously on the foot, eventually abandoning my chopsticks and using my hands like a barbarian, but I was met with bone and a very small amount of actual meat. Perhaps there is a trick to eating it that i'm missing. Where is Anthony Bourdain when I need him? The second appetizer looked innocent enough, with some pork, green peppers, and onions, but a few bites found me chewing on something with the consistency of what I assume was cartilage. I didn't ask.

After seeing how odd Khmer cuisine could be, Frank opted for chicken and rice, which we assumed was a safe decision while I opted for abalone and bean curd. When Frank's food was delivered, it wasn't just half a chicken. . .there was half of a chicken head on his plate, staring him down as he peeled away the skin and picked at the flesh underneath. Who says Frank isn't an adventurous eater?

We inquired about dessert options to one of the two people on staff who spoke English and the man (who we assumed owned the establishment based on his popularity) quickly brought us three kinds of dessert to try for the price of one USD. . .for all 3. The first was a fruit plate of papaya and watermelon. The second was a cup of what looked like bean soup, but was slightly sweet and contained some tapioca, and the third was a mysterious bread with a yellow top. When we bit into the third option, we were greeted by a delicious yellow custard. After we paid our bill, we asked the other English speaking person the tell us what they were. She wrote down the Chinese and english translation of each item and then brought us the savory version of the pastry for free since we were so interested.

So far, my first impressions of Cambodia are positive. The people are friendly and the food is good. I'm not sure I could ask for anything else. Frank and I are journeying on a bus today from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap, where we'll spend 2 days exploring Angkor Wat and the surrounding temples before trekking to Thailand. While spending time on a bus isn't my idea of a good time, I do enjoy the idea that we're going to a smaller city and seeing something new.

Until next time!

I totally lost my dong in 'nam...

Let me start by apologizing for the lack of content over the last few days. Between a shitty bandwidth internet connection and a bit of jetlag, it's been hard to keep people updated. We're going to do our best to provide shorter posts, but on a daily basis, in the coming weeks, so stay tuned. Also, and this is rather irrelevant, but there's no facebook in Vietnam. What the fuck commis???

So where to start, ah yes, Vietnam, the land of motorbikes and pho! A backwards place with propoganda a plenty, where a "Communist" party forwrds a capitalist agenda. You, Vietnam, are the Tangela of SE Asia! Because while your intentions may be questioned and your usefullness against the Elite 4 argued, you posess your own, albeit quaint, charm. It is here that 'Team Alacard' started their journey.

Despite having a number of preconceived notions about Vietnam, most of which related to the War, I did my best to enter the country with an open mind. "There's no way EVERYONE in Vietnam is a Minh sucking, commi bastard," I thought. But while it was true that Charlie wasn't waiting around every corner, symbols of his dominance were. Everything from hammer and sickle ladden flags, to statues of the man himself. It should have been no surprise then, that the memorials we would see, would have their own special kind of bias.

The War Remnants Museum

The exterior of the War Museum drew us in with a mix of US aircraft of tanks. Left over from the 70s, these symbols of American imperialism were meant to serve as a reminder of what the party had overcome. For a moment I was pleasantly surprised, "Is this it? Just a lot of toys stamped 'made in the USA'?" As we made our way in, expecting to see more of the same, I was shocked to instead find wall after wall of American slander. The first exhibit was a partially rebuilt prison that was used by the South Vietnamese (or as I like to call them, the Vietnamese) during the war. What started as a cool reconstruction was quickly ruined by countless quotes from North Vietnamese "historians" citing various torture techniques utilized by the US during the war. Eventually these quotes gave way to photographs of suffering Asians which, for all we know, could have been Southern soldiers. I happened upon another traveler who, having spent some time in the capitol, informed me that the Hanoi Hilton was setup in a very simlar way, contrasting the horrible attrocities committed by the hands of the french with how humanely the North treated imprisoned GIs.

Wow, just wow. 

Don't get me wrong, I found the whole ordeal extremely educating, but what I was being educated on was how to pacify a populous, NOT the specifics of the Vietnam War. Some of the other exhibits proved pretty comical. One contained a letter written by an agent orange victim to Obama, and another was a weapons display that contained the following quote: "Colt-45 and long and short-barreled Rouleau were often equipped for US police and officers as well as former Saigon Army for self-protection and commanding in battle. However, this weapon was also used to murder innocent people." History is written by the victors, I suppose.

Reunification Palace

While some rooms are off limits, the vast majority of the old South Vietnamese seat of power is now open to explore by tourists. Team Alacard spent some time running around and exploring old command centers, still rife with war maps. On the roof was a floor of a design similar to what can be seen in dance clubs. Theres no doubt in my mind that the 60s parties to beat were up at Nguyen's place. While definitely the least propogandized stop on our trip so far, this may only be because covering all the palace walls in hate literature would have taken too much time and energy. Still, where there were plaques, they underlined how capitalists were pigs and detailed the Southern surrender.

Cu-Chi Tunnels

Our last "war" stop to make was Cu-Chi (pronounced coochie xD), home to the Viet-Cong themselves! It's here that Ariana and I climbed around in tunnels, watched some propaganda videos, and got up close and personal with an assortment of traps. The highlight was a video shot during the war. The narrator, who spoke in English, described how the US "descended like devils" onto Cu-Chi. We found ourselves trying to hold back laughter as fellow tourists watched in awe. Could this be the reason US policy is so unpopular? The video ended with a screen that implied it was made in California. Hollywood played a part in making Communist propoganda videos? Meh, no surprise there.

What else?

While the war was a big highlight, it wasn't the only part of Vietnam we took in. The food, the weather, and the average asian were all great, as was the scenary. We spent time at a temple, wandered around the markets, and took a few tours of the Mekong delta. The hostel we stayed in was my first and proved to be a pleasant surprise. The only complaint I've had about our trip so far was this "floating hotel" we stayed in on our way to Cambodia. Having decided to make the trip to Phnom Penh by boat, we made a stop on the way in what Ariana called "The sketchiest place shes ever stayed". Oh well, thanks to some well placed locks, the Hive will have no need for a "Frank's netbook going away warming" party.

Egads! Team Alacard has just crossed into Cambodian territorial waters! See what awaits our adventurers next time, on THERISEOFSAIGON.

Saigon: It's all About the Motorbikes

We have officially completed our first real day in Saigon and I have to say, I'm kind of impressed. I wasn't thinking that Ho Chi Minh would provide much in the way of interest for me. I don't know a lot about the war, I'm not really familiar with the food, and I feel like I randomly picked this location based on an episode of Top Gear (Thanks, Thomas and Josh!) and what location was cheapest to fly into in Southeast Asia. Frank was the driving factor to hit up Vietnam, really, so I suppose the thanks should go to him.

The flight was long. Like. . .ridiculously, painfully long. That said, if I happen to make the trek to Southeast Asia again, I think Cathay Air has made a customer for life. They had entertainment units on all of the seats and a whole array of newly released movies. I found joy in the TV show Community and marathoned 11 episodes until I felt like my eyes were going to fall out. Sadly, it's only a 20 minute show so it didn't really last as long as it sounds. They also fed us 500 times. That is an exaggeration, but not by much.

We got into our hostel around 7:30 pm on Thursday night. We exited the airport and after being told the buses had stopped running, we opted for a sketchy cab driver that crammed us into an unmarked taxi with 4 other travellers going in a similar direction. Getting our bags in was like playing a game of Jenga. The guy charged us a high price but he was friendly and showed us exactly how to get to our hostel, Diep Anh. There is some kind of accent on there that I don't really feel like taking the time to attempt to duplicate.

The driving scene here is absolutely insane. On first glance, it looks like chaos. There are massive buses, a few cars, and thousands of motorbikes. I don't think I can correctly describe the amount of bikes on the road here, so I'll post up some pictures and you can see for yourself. When I say driving is chaotic, I mean it. There are lanes, but the lanes are merely suggestions. At any given point, bikes are zooming past cars going the opposite direction. People are crossing the road and buses and bikes are swerving around them. There aren't real cross walks and you're not necessarily safer as a pedestrian if you decide to use them. The strategy for walking around here is to either cross in a group (safety in numbers. . .you hope) or to walk across the street slowly and consistently so that you don't throw the 86876876 drivers off their driving rhythm.

Our hostel is pretty laid back and isn't sketchy. I feel like I chose well to break Frank into the hostelling scene. When we go to Cambodia, I feel like he will be slightly unprepared. We're located in the middle of the downtown area with tons of shops, close to all the monuments, and near the Ben Thahn market which hosts hundreds of vendors selling everything from art to jewellery to really gaudy, sparkly Vietnamese dresses. I've already scoped out the two shirts I want. I'm totally going to have to mail stuff home. We're staying in the Pham Ngu Lao area, if that means anything to anyone. It doesn't to me. Or it didn't. I mean, I'm here now so I guess it does. Whatever! Moving on. . .

When we got in, the man who owns our hostel sat down with us and gave us a map, marking out places to go and how to give ourselves our own walking tour of the city. He also showed us a pamphlet with a few tours and after reviewing it, we decided to stay in Vietnam for an extra day so we could do an extra day tour to a pagoda and the Cu Chi tunnels. Our next stop is Cambodia and one of the tours takes us from a small Vietnamese town on the Mekong River to a border town and then via speed boat (ON A BOAT)the next day to Phenom Penh, which is Cambodia's capital. It was $48 USD but it's a tour, lodging for one night, and gets us to our destination without having to ride a bus and do a really sketchtastic border crossing. I'll take that any day!

Food here is amazing. Frank and I woke up yesterday and had Pho for breakfast. Apparently the place on the corner is one of the best Pho shops in Saigon and the guy who owns the hostel apparently knows what he's talking about.

Yesterday was filled with the War Remnants museum, Reunification Palace, the Cathedral of Notre Dame, and dinner on a floating restaurant on the Saigon River. Most unique, however, was the massage school for the blind. You roll in, give them $3 USD, and a blind person massages you for an hour. It's not a fancy spa with a bunch of candles or scented lotions. It's just a relaxing, wonderful massage. I was all about it, although it was kind of weird since they don't know any English. The woman tugged on my shirt a few times and accidentally groped my ass. I took this to mean 'get naked'. I'm relived that I wasn't wrong.

Off the breakfast and a day of tunnels and history. Hooray!

The day is finally here!

The day has finally arrived. It’s 1:44 am and after a very hectic day and night, I finally feel that familiar sense of calm that takes me over when I travel. Brian will be taking us to the airport in less than an hour! Brian has asked to be in the second, third, and fourth sentences of my blog post. I feel compelled to humor Brian because he is taking us to the airport and without him, our trip will not commence.

Today was kind of a cluster, but I battled it out and now I’m stress free!

I always love when some important detail about retaining my job comes in the mail without any notice and requires my immediate attention! It’s my absolute favorite! I had to bust ass and pay $45 today to get recertified, otherwise I might not have a job to come back to in 3 weeks.

I think I handled most of the last minute items from work. I felt like my desk was a non-stop social extravaganza of well wishers and questions. I’m crossing my fingers that there isn’t something important I’m forgetting. If I get some angry emails later, I guess I’ll know, right?! Right.

My midterm was due before I left and the teacher gave it to us a few days early since he knew I was leaving and wouldn’t have access to the web to do the final or turn it in. I spent last night and a considerable amount of time before class and after finishing it up and was finally able to submit it 1 hour ago. That was the last thing stressing me out, so now that it’s done. . .I feel GREAT.

So. ..backpack is packed, passport and money is in my cheesy belt wallet, and we’re ready to go. Anything I’ve forgotten I can buy when I’m there. . .for 2 Vietnamese dong. Preparation is complete. . . sort of.

Goodbye, Maryland! Hello Southeast Asia!

C'est La Vie

So this past weekend I had the pleasure of attending Penny Arcade Expo: East, a nerdy gaming convention held up in Boston. Some of you may question my wisdom in flying out of state for a weekend immediately prior to leaving the country for 3 weeks, especially when I have 20ish hours of work to complete and haven't finished preparing for the big trip, but I had already committed to attending PAX prior to making the Asia plans. SURE, I SUPPOSE the trip could have been pushed back a week during the planning stages, but that would have required me to REMEMBER that I had tickets to PAX. Oh well, things worked out fine, I completed most of my work Friday morning before my flight, and got home Sunday afternoon with more than ample time to finish my travel prep! Actually... wait a second... that's not right...

My flight actually ended up leaving Thursday morning, preventing me from putting any time in at work Thursday or Friday, and the return flight that was suppose to take off an hour ago, hasn't. So here I am,  on Monday afternoon, in the terminal at the Boston-Logan International Airport waiting for a flight that I fear will inevitably be delayed by a combination of what I can only assume is bad weather and Japanese earthquakes.

BAH! Okay. Game face. 

I figure I'll get home in a few hours and drop off my stuff. Then I'll run to work for a bit before going out to see what will probably be a pretty horrible movie with my bestie. I can probably finish what I need to at work tonight, then ditch out midday Tuesday to finish prepping. Yeah, that sounds good. Who needs sleep anyway?

Wait... is it snowing outside? >.<

Preparation-Smeparation...

Saying Frank Paul <insert Polish last name> "doesn't plan ahead" is a bit of an understatement (Actually, some might argue that saying I spend most of my life bouncing around aimlessly from one impulse driven activity to the next is ALSO an understatement, but lets try to finish this with our self-esteem intact, shall we?). It's not that I don't value preparedness, it's just that everything in life always seems to work itself out. I remember this one time at UMBC I left class feeling kind of bummed. It was the middle of the week, and while I can't recall what kind of juvenile drama had doused my spirits, I do recall thinking a friend of mine at Elon University could get my mind off it. Before I knew it, I was in my car and on my way to North Carolina. Did I have class and work the next day? Of course. Did I have a ton of homework to do? Probably. Was I even sure my friend would be there? Well... not completely sure, but fuck it right?* That's how I tend to go about things in life, "fuck it", worst case scenario you have an interesting story and you know what? Chicks dig stories.

I guess that's why the urgency of preparing for this trip hadn't hit me until now. A month ago everything seemed so far away. Now, with a little over a week to go, I'm starting to feel the pressure. "Whatdoyamean I can't just go to my bank to pick up Malaysian Ringgit?" "Vaccines? But I'm the picture of health!" "Wait... people STEAL stuff in Asia too? I thought that theft was a Baltimore thing!" Well a handful of sleepless nights later, and I think I'm ALMOST ready...

*If you're wondering, she was on campus, and even after being woken up in the middle of the night by a very, VERY unexpected visitor, she was welcoming.

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Foreign Currency

So chances are that if you're like me and have all your money in a little credit union, you'll be unable to roll up the day before your trip and have your savings converted into Dong. Moreover, if you also have your credit cards through that same little credit union, chances are there will be extremely prohibitive limits placed on your ability to withdraw funds in any country that scores below a "2" on freedomhouse.org. So what option does that leave? Well if you said "travelers checks" you're probably over 40 and likely Ariana's mom... you're also wrong.

Of course what I'm referring to is cash, and lots of it. Between the two of us, Team Alucard will be carrying somewhere between three to four thousand dollars worth of small, colorful, unmarked bills. Is this the best idea? Maybe not, but is it an awesome idea? Absolutely! With six million Dong in our pockets, we'll live like kings (So long as doing so doesn't draw too much attention from the Baltimorions who've somehow made their way over to Asia.)!

There appears to be quite a few companies that make money off buying other people's money, and while I assume most of them are owned and operated by the Jewish community, the one I opted for was British. Wikipedia makes the claim that Travelex is the largest currency exchange bureau in the world, and the British man I ended up speaking with said the same thing. It was almost as if he single handedly threw together this 200 word article! Na,  you're right, that was at LEAST a two Brit job. Anywho, before I knew it over $2,000 worth of foreign currency was on it's way to my doorstep!

"Wait... they shipped it to your door?"

Yeah, apparently 2k isn't enough money to warrant the hassle of requiring the traveler to pickup the cash, or evidently require the traveler to sign for their cash either, since the money was just sitting in my mailbox the next day. Maybe that's why a Jewish company isn't the largest, they're not chincy enough... wait a second...

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Medical

So I spent some time in the "sandbox" a little over a year ago, and while the trip was amazing, I can assure you that the medical stuff was NOT. You see, it's not that I have a problem with people who waste their first four years out of high school learning about "fine arts" (Cause honestly, what doctor do you know that took on a meaningful major during their undergrad?), it's that I hate needles. I really hate needles. Hate. Hate. Hate. Well you shouldn't find it at all surprising now that the VERY last thing on my mind while prepping for Asia was medicine. Sure, I had grabbed some Ibuprofen and caffeinated vitamins, maybe a condom or two, but vaccines? Na, they hadn't crossed my mind. When I finally got around to looking into it, it was apparently too late. It would seem that most modern vaccines are "staged" for optimal effectiveness, and require more than a weeks notice. Oh well, heres to hoping the tiger that bites me isn't rabid!

I did end up grabbing the first dose of the Japanese Encephalitis vaccine (Which was a bargain at ONLY $285) and some antimalarials. Also, in this doctor's defense, the shot was relatively painless.

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Packing

The only thing I think I've managed to stay on top of so far has been my packing. A few years ago, right prior to going on a cross country trip with my best friend, I found myself in a Samsonite store, and it's there that I learned the ancient art of luggage packing. The instruction may have only lasted a minute, but it's impact can be felt to this day. In a bag that Ariana was skeptical could fit soley my ego, I've managed to stick 5 shirts, 3 pairs of shorts, a pair of pants, a pullover, 8 pairs of socks, 3 pairs of underwear, a towel, a laptop, an e-reader, a bag of toiletries and so, so much more (a more complete list can be found here). 

Now if only I had half a clue about what I wanted to do in country...

Caffeine Vitamins: This Heart Attack Will Be FANTASTIC.

Let me start off my telling you a little fact about myself: I am not low energy!

Frank and I recently went shopping to get a few basic toiletries for our trip to SE Asia. I am typically of the mind that everything I need, I can get at my destination. Frank, on the other hand, has some terrible fear that anything that isn’t stamped and approved by the FDA is injected during production with rat feces and should not be consumed. I don’t really think that’s true, but either way, I decided to humor him. We stopped by the vitamin aisle (vitamins, interestingly enough are never evaluated by the FDA) so he could restock and I started taking a look at women’s vitamins.

The vitamins I found were Women’s Energy Vitamins, the back of the lable looks like this:

Did you notice 120 mg of caffeine? Yes? Yes! You read that correctly. One small (and by small, I actually mean massive and it’s kind of intimidating) vitamin has more caffeine than a cup of coffee.

Some of you may not know me very well, so here is another fact about me: When I tell you that I don’t drink a lot of caffeine, I mean it. I don’t drink coffee unless it’s 75% chocolate, I don’t drink energy drinks, I drink soda maybe once a month (usually mixed with some kind of alcohol) and I definitely never randomly ingest caffeine pills to stay awake. So, all of that said, maybe 15 minutes after taking this vitamin for the first time this morning, I realized why I never drink anything with caffeine in it:

I ALREADY HAVE MORE ENERGY THAN IS PROBABLY HEALTHY FOR AN ADULT FEMALE. CAFFIENE DOES NOT DO ME OR ANYONE I KNOW ANY FAVORS, ESPECIALLY IN MY OFFICE WHERE EVERYONE ALREADY THINKS I AM B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

I am typing at ridiculous speeds, I am talking extremely fast, my heart is beating like I just ran a goddamn marathon, and every business email I’ve sent this morning has been punctuated with no less than 4 exclamation marks.

“Hey, Ariana. Did you finish that document yet?”
“Yes! I! Did!”

It’s going to be a long day! OH. And I think that if I take these little heart-attack inducing vitamins with me to SE Asia Frank is going to push me on to an abandoned Cambodian landmine.